The phrase that entered my head was:
Pain Prevents us from Forgiving.
Before I write any more about forgiveness, let me start by saying everyone has things in their backgrounds or their day to day life that are painful to them. What seems small to one person was a huge event to another. Whether you have big life altering events happen to you that thrust you into the path of needing to forgive someone for hurting you or someone you love, or you are struggling with forgiving yourself for mistakes you feel you just can't overcome, the pain you are feeling is real, and to some degree is holding you back from growing spiritually and emotionally letting you live up to your fullest potential.
I had a lot of trauma happen to me during my growing up years. Caused by and allowed by someone with whom I could not protect myself completely. Once I got old enough, I limited my exposure to that person, and then as an adult I've chosen to have no contact for many years. So please know, that when I speak on this subject, I am still on this journey myself! I am a work in progress!
- The pain we feel from being hurt or wronged in some way, often gets in the way of us forgiving those that have wronged us. or worse, forgiving ourselves for things we've done wrong. We often say, they don't deserve our forgiveness, and we have a right to remain bitter and angry about the pain that was caused. But Forgiveness is not just about releasing the offender from their consequences or being ok with what happened, it's about releasing you from being tied forever in that moment in time, just in anger, pain and anguish. Going through the forgiveness process allows you to begin to move yourself forward beyond that moment, not forgetting it, but releasing the pain and anger. It helps you to continue on your life journey in a positive direction.
- Pain can feel so great we are waiting for it to be gone, or the thing that happened to us suddenly be undone before we feel we can forgive, and so.. we never start the process. Time goes by and we find ourselves closing ourselves off from happiness with our family, friends, and other opportunities because we have allowed anger, bitterness, and hurt to fester.
The Sunburn Effect:
We really need the sting of our pain to be reprieved, we'll never forget, or not be hurt by the event. we'll forever be different and changed by it as well. This is a lot like a sunburn.
How we treat that burn determines a lot about our own future and happiness.
- Sunburns burn our skin causing damage and result in redness and pain. We can do things to relieve the sting of the burn and soothe it. The sunburn redness and initial signs of pain may soon disappear, but the damage caused continues to simmer in the layers of tissue below our top layers of skin. Changing the DNA at the cellular level. Forever damaged from their original state. Long after the initial redness and pain are gone. Even causing further pain and problems down the road, like slow growing skin cancers that start below the surface and soon show up on top of your skin. Even then you don't always notice or go see a Dr about a new suspicious lesion in the area of the sunburn, but none the less, that original damage, gone untreated all those years was left to develop into something far more damaging to you than the original trauma.
- Pain from trauma, either by someone else, or self induced, is like that sunburn. and not working on forgiveness is like not treating the symptoms of the burn, but letting it do it's deepest damage to yourself, all while you say to yourself: " I won't or can't forgive the sun for burning me.' the Sun goes on, not worrying one bit, or probably not changing because you did or did not forgive. But you are letting the burns go untreated in yourself, pain stinging longer and damage penetrating deeper. All while you become more bitter, angry, and unable to think about anything other than your own pain and how to numb it, or worse revenge, rather than see how you can help others thru their pain or continue growing in your own life purpose.
Healing the Burn/ Beginning the Process of Forgiveness:
How do we start to heal this "burn"? How do we start down this path toward forgiveness? On one hand we do not condone the choices that were made, (or they continue to make in some cases) so you worry that by forgiving them it sends a signal that you are ok with their choices. Please know that is not what this is!
On the other hand we want to be healed from the trauma that was caused. Forgiveness is simply releasing yourself from the connection to the continuing pain and damage that is being caused. refusing to be further held down by the event or the person. and willing to move forward in a positive way. It doesn't mean you'll forget what happened. You'll never forget it! But forgiveness will start the healing process!
Let's get that soothing Aloe Vera Gel going! Or as in the Bible.. the Balm of Gilead.
You're going to need some help. If it's a huge trauma, like mine were, the pain, and anger, and even the confusion on the messages I had to untangle in my head from my childhood where going to take years of work, and a loving Heavenly Father to guide me through.
Prayer. Daily, or more often!! Ask for help! Share your thoughts, and hurts. Ask for Gods help in increasing your strength and faith in letting go of the pain that you're holding onto. I promise you, He will generously share some of his strength and faith with you, if you ask Him! He won't force it upon us, but once we ask with real intent, and belief to receive the gift?? Oh just wait and see!!
Scriptures. Read Daily. You will hear the voice of the Lord whisper strength to your soul, and wisdom to your heart. Their is an actual power, I believe, from the act of reading them. You gain a bit of extra spiritual intuition for the day when you read them. It's like you're spirit is "tuning in" on a radio dial for the day to the messages of a Heavenly Nature, a you just seem to be more in tune with promptings and intuitions. Try it out and see for your self! 90 day trial and see if you don't feel a slight difference in your days when you look back on them.
Serve Others. Find a way to start helping others. Either people in similar circumstances as yourself, or anywhere you can share your talents! Service will bring a new perspective! It will help remind you that you are not alone, as well as remind you of your life purpose, and help you move forward! I spent a lot of time working with the youth in my church ,as well as my children's friends. I made sure to build up their self confidence, remind them of their Divine Nature, as Daughters and Sons of God, (of Noble and royal birth), point out their hidden talents, and make sure they knew they were always welcome not only in my home, but in conversation with me, a listening ear. any time they needed it. It was my way of helping the child who didn't feel any of those things, or feel she had anyone she could talk to. Find your way to serve!
Gratitude Journal. I firmly believe the way to combat all the negative you're trying to get out of your head is to fill it up with positive! So grab a journal and write down 5 things you're thankful for every day! You can also just write down things you saw that were beautiful, or funny, or thoughtful. Anything uplifting! Doodle, draw, as long as it's your Positivity Journal, make it yours!
Forgiveness for most of us won't be this sudden miraculous event. It will be gradual, as we work at it, with intention. But we must continue to work at it. Peace to our hearts, minds, and souls will take work, but it is worth it! The forgiveness an overcoming the trauma is literally the hardest thing I've ever done, and keep doing. Keep going! You deserve the freedom it brings you!
Try reading : Why Did God Let This Happen. It shares my thoughts on why Our Heavenly Father doesn't step in and prevent all these bad things from happening to us or to our loved ones.
